


Newton Made This For Our Entertainment

by chocolafied, LunaTheLoneWolf



Series: Crack Creed [16]
Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Falling In Love, Falling in General, Gen, Inspired by Real Events, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-02-17 07:28:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2301431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolafied/pseuds/chocolafied, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaTheLoneWolf/pseuds/LunaTheLoneWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cesare and Gravity fall in love; Cesare quite literally "falling" head over heels for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He Who Is Of Great Depravity

**Author's Note:**

> Bwhahahahaha~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our Cesare does have a girlfriend and I will not be surprised if they get married later in life. So, based off of one of Ezio's songs in Assassin's Creed: Revelations, we nicknamed her Gravity.

**Character's in this story:**

**Cesare**

**Gravity**

****

**(icons will come later)**

* * *

                Cesare had it bad and everyone knew it. Sure, he and Gravity were in a relationship, but he would find himself staring at her from a rooftop while she was down below sitting underneath a tree or shopping in the town’s market. He would hear the birds chirping and the sun felt nice, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the light of his life, no matter how hard he tried.

                She was perfect to him.

                And much to his dismay, this was an opportunity that a pair of assassins couldn’t refuse.

                The Italian nobleman would lean against one of the walls on a random rooftop and watch his girlfriend like some lovesick puppy while a sigh left his mouth ever ten seconds or so. Yusuf peered around the corner of the wall she was leaning against, watching Cesare and making sure he was oblivious to her presence before proceeding with the plan. With a low snicker and menacing eyes paired with lips curled into a cat’s grin, she tip toed up behind the Templar and forcefully pushed him forward.

                He fell off of the rooftop and yelled all the way down until his face pushed through the pavement below and created a well-formed _dent_ in the ground. The people below all paused and looked as the man’s twitched uncontrollably and groaned an “Ow” a few seconds later. Gravity turned around, braid trailing behind her as she spotted her boyfriend struggling to get out of his body-shaped hole in the middle of the street. She wandered over like a small child would and tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear when she saw Cesare trying to pull his head out of the ground.

                The Templar forcefully yanked his skull out of the pavement and shook his head a few times before slowly looking up at the blonde. Gravity smiled and leaned down to place a kiss atop his head. Cesare’s eyes turned into little hearts and he sighed dreamily once again for the umpteenth time that day.

                Meanwhile from a nearby rooftop, Yusuf admired her handy work with a smug grin on her face and her arms crossed in front of her chest. Ezio landed on the rooftop a few seconds later and slowly stood before briskly walking over to the edge of the roof where she could see Cesare being helped up by Gravity. The mentor’s face contorted and she turned away before the couple began sucking face. Ezio smirked at her partner-in-crime and walked back over to her, hand coming up to meet the Turkish assassin’s. “Nice job!” the Italian praised.

                Yusuf smirked some more before glancing back down to the street. The smile quickly scampered off of her face and disgust filled her features seconds later. She swiftly turned her head back to Ezio and jabbed a thumb in the couple’s direction were various people were going “Awwww!”

                “They really need to get a room,” the master assassin blurted out.

                Ezio wordlessly nodded her head frantically before the pair ran to the other side of the building and began heading back to the base. Meanwhile down below, Cesare walked down the street with one hand holding Gravity’s and the other pushing against his back and hobbling down the street. Maybe he should start thinking about investing in a cane…or a walker.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yusuf: Poor Cesare...
> 
> Ezio: What are you talking about? He's a Templar!
> 
> Yusuf: For now, yes. But he still is one of my friends... even if I WOULD do something like this to him... :'D
> 
> Ezio: Oi... Feedback is awesome, flames will be used to burn Cesare's pants.


	2. Gravity oh Gravity

**Guest appearance from**

* * *

 

                It was a lovely day for a picnic in Rome, and the couple wanted to spend the day together, and so they did. The late afternoon sun was perfect for a meal under an old tree by the cliff side overlooking the large city with butterflies fluttering about, little rabbits hopping about a good twenty yards away by the fallen pillars, and birds singing as they peacefully glided through the air. Cesare fed Gravity a grape and she laughed as she munched on it before picking one off of the stem and returning the favor.

                The blonde giggled lightly at the face the Italian nobleman. Cesare blinked in surprised before picking up another grape and throwing it back in the air. He bent his head back and caught it in his mouth. Gravity applauded his performance and he did a small bow towards her before the couple broke out laughing again.

                A few hundred feet away, Yusuf was turning the wheel as tight as she could, building more tension on the already tightly wound rope holding the catapult back. Baby Bird sat in the driver’s seat of the catapult (him being the projectile) with a childish smile as he batted his eyes and stared after a passing butterfly. Ezio held the spy glass to her eye as she grotesquely watched the lovey-dovey couple tease each other and flirt shamelessly. Where was the barf bag when she needed it?

                “A little more to the left!” Ezio moved her right hand towards the indicated direction. The Turkish assassin groaned loudly and began pulling the catapult that way.

                “Mama Bird!” Baby Bird chirped.

                Ezio visibly stiffened and gritted her teeth. “Yes, Baby Bird?”

                “Will you feed me a candy like a mama bird would for her baby chick after I do this?” he batted his eyes amusingly and watched as his mentor stiffly turned her head like a doll in a horror film would with the same smile.

                “Suuuuuuure,” the brunette sang out annoyingly. “As soon as you cough up to sending me that _note_.” Ezio batted her eyelashes at him mockingly and then turned her attention back to the indicated target.

                Baby Bird on the other hand blinked in utter confusion. “What note?”

                He looked at the younger assassin as she leaned in and started speaking in a hushed tone, “The one that you sent her saying ‘To Mama Bird from Baby Bird’.”

                “But I didn’t send her that note!” the novice protested.

                Yusuf stared at him, clearly not amused. “Uh, huh.”

                Ezio raised her arm and then lowered it quickly. “FIRE!”

                “Wha—” Baby Bird was cut off by Yusuf cutting the rope and launching the assassin trainee through the air. “WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” he flew through the air with a huge, dumb grin on his face.

                Cesare and Gravity pulled away from each other when they began to hear the little fledgling’s yelling grow louder. The blonde screamed as Cesare was hit with the assassin full force and then pushed off of the cliff.

                Baby Bird’s parachute deployed as he fell past the edge of the cliff and he floated down the ground. The nobleman, on the other hand, was now in a hole the shape of his body that was six feet deep. Gravity leaned over the edge of the cliff and gasped in horror as she heard her boyfriend groan in pain. “CESARE!” Much to the woman’s dismay, her grip on the cliff’s edge slipped and she fell head first over the rock formation right into her boyfriend’s hole.

                More groaning from the Borgia man could be heard as Ezio and Yusuf stood at the edge of the cliff. “Mama Bird!” The pair looked down to see Baby Bird dancing around while pointing to the huge ditch in the ground. “Look at what I did, Mama!”

                Yusuf shook her head and looked at her partner-in-crime to see the Italian staring at the ground below with a nervously twitching smile. “I guess we killed two Templars with one bird, huh?” she remarked while looking up at the younger assassin.

                The Turkish assassin smacked her palm against her forehead and then briefly turned on her heel before beginning her trip back to the base. “I’m done!”

                Ezio waited a second before running after her. “YUSUF WAIT!”

                The smile on Baby Bird’s face fell and he began scrambling up the cliff side when he heard the brunette running away. “Mama Bird DON’T LEAVE ME HERE!!!”

                “Baby…you okay?” Cesare tiredly asked from his _comfy_ position below Gravity with her using his aching back as a cushion.

                “Yeah…are you?” she asked timidly.

                “ _No._ ” the man groaned before wiggling a bit. Something audible cracked and he yelled with a baritone voice. “ _MY BACK…!”_

                Wheelchairs were fortunately on sale at this time, luckily for Cesare. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ezio: This was way too much fun to write!
> 
> Yusuf: Feedback is awesome, flames will be shot at Cesare via catapult.


End file.
